MADISON RIVER BROWNS DISCOVERED SPEAKING ENGLISH to the local guides…. The SCANDAL was reported to a local paper after a non-local guide who didn’t live there and who had come from outa state, where NON-Local people tend to come from….overheard a local guide, one who did live there, talking to one of the trout he had landed for a client – who wasn’t allowed to handle his own fish….
Seems the excuse guides have been using concerning the clients inability to handle fish without killing, squishing, dropping, dry handing, or kissing the poor things was merely a cover up….FISHEADS has recently learned that the clients did in fact kiss a lot of fish whom later, traumatized, received counseling for feelings of molest and abandonment…..One fish was discovered swimming in circles mumbling “they want me, they don’t want me, they want me, they don’t want me…”
The local guides it seems have been talking to the fish for so long and so often that the fish have learned to speak English….except white fish…they only speak gibberish….
FISHEADS decided it was time to force some fish to talk ! Electro shock seemed an appropriate way to force some kinda confession outa just about any living creature…water boarding didn’t seem to be as efficient with fish as with terrorists…WOW,,,did I just…I’m sorry ..crap..
SOOO ya anyhow er anyway…
There we stood at the brink of discovering something that wasn’t a secret and was already known……FISHEADS on the scene reporter Christopher Columbus stated he felt like he had somehow done this before…then asked if we could take slaves….
WOW.. dang did I do it again…crap …sorry..
Anyway er anyhow…the fish seemed a bit confused, repeating these words over and over…”We love Americans”…seemed a bit weird but electroshock seems a bit weird now that I think of it…
IT SEEMS THE FISH could speak all this time we just never listened…(this happens in married family settings now days where the husband views the wife as an object and thus ignores her gripes while she views him as an object that doesn’t listen so she gripes louder and neither one really hears the other…pretty common actually)
SO what did the fish have to say…? well mostly they spoke about environmental nonsense like… clean water, habitat management (destruction as they call it), siltation, immigration of other species, and air quality… imagine a fish talking about air quality… ridiculous…fish don’t even breath air…!!!
FISHEADS new on the scene reporter Jack Daniels, ( Christopher was to moody for the job) seemed to find some emotional level of connection with the fish and was able to learn one very important piece of information…Very important !! It seems, and this is just WILD…The fish are actually concerned with tourism….HAHA who would have guessed..?
One fish, a sweet young female Brown Trout stated, “I can’t take the pressure anymore, there’s just to many people running around trying to hook up…. and the guides are just trying to make a buck…” ..When asked why that bothered her so much she said “because i’m a hen…….”
Some other conversations went about the same way and didn’t seem to really be reportable news. IT WAS TRUTHFUL HONEST ENLIGHTENING HEARTFELT and IMPORTANT to our EXISTANCE, but not really very interesting…..
The Trout did say though that their Lips were sore, “Just look at my lips ! they are sore !!”.
Judging by the number of holes in their face i’d have to say they were most likely being HONEST about that as well…
So once again FISHEADS feels as though we have reported on something that is vitally important to the relationship of and by that which seems like it should be related to the wellbeing of several species that and will be relying on those who listen to what we have reported…Again….and thus this will be a landmark and milestone toward the understanding of those who and them that in conjunction with us here to be forthwith in our expedient reaction time to this…uh.. “stuff…”
It’s like the blind leading the horse to water and not being able to make it talk to fish….c’mon just look at their lips…! Chap-stick can’t fix them poor swollen kissers…