"Being a professional fly fishing guide and fly tyer, combined with a green conscious, guarantees your place in those blessed rivers of the ever after.." -Bruce Lee


I'm totally almost seriously not barely lying about this...

HEITH  CAN”T BELIEVE THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO HIM..Recently discovered in the upper Sacramento River near Redding Ca. these ‘Mahseer” fish are as strange a thing to see as wet wading fly fishermen casting before noon …

“Holly friggen fat cow !” Pasture Heith was heard yelling from the waters above Simms bridge on Sunday.
After collecting the donations from the church tray to replenish his fuel allotment and driving up I5 through a maze of Highway Patrol speed traps, Heith finally arrived exhausted and in desperate need of some early season casting instruction…
Following the trail to the water’s edge Heith was pondering the meaning of life as portrayed by the Simpsons the night before and not watching the trail slipped in a pile of fish guts landing hard on his wallet…..”F**>~!# “, pain causes foul language..
” Forgive me father for my potty mouth and the Pigmy’s down in…”
Heith stood wondering why there would be fish guts here where all wild fish should be released..He thought..golly gee, even in red neck north Idaho they have to release all wild fish….why wouldn’t they do that here as well…
As Heith investigated this quandary he spied a foam worm container below a “PACK IT IN PACK IT OUT” sign,..the words ‘NIGHT CRAWLERS’ stamped on the side were all he needed to understand what had happened here. “Satan worshipers” he mumbled as he kicked the guts into the river to feed the crayfish and pocketed the empty foam container.
Disappointed in the gut pile, the drive north and his sudden realization he was going bald like his older much better looking and far more skilled fly fishing brother…He only wanted to cast a line and catch a fish..
Heith moved to the edge of the riffle and pulled the line from the reel as the plot thickening music seemed to flow from the breeze blown trees. (Heith stated later he had thought it strange and had suddenly felt like “River Dancing”)

Heith noticed a small rise and figured he had a decent chance at this lil’ biddy immature fish. Heith tied a #10 yellow simulator to his line pondering the idea of maybe learning how to ty flies someday..
His first cast was a sweet 80 feet. He was proud ! yet there was no fly on the end of his leader. Looking back over his right shoulder he could see the fly dangling at the end of the tippet swinging from the tree only 40 feet away…
Tying another fly on and thinking “crap I better mooch some flies from someone soon”..he adjusted his cast and pitched out another fine loop. As the fly drifted over the feeding fish there was a sudden, although very little, sip. Heith set the hook as the 6′ trout jumped and splashed and Heith giggled a little bit.
Heith was enjoying this little guy when from out of nowhere, or actually from out of the river, lept a huge ugly massive fish that swallowed his little baby tiny trout whole in one loud chomp !!!!
Boy was Heith pissed..”Ruin my fishing you bastard !” Heith screamed causing his throat to hurt. Then he yelled “I’ll show you !” and he settled in for the long battle.
Heith landed the huge fish a minute later with the help of a tourist that was snorkeling in the area. Having forgotten his camera he asked a man watching from the river’s edge if he could photo the fish and the man said yes as long as he could hold the monster…the snorkeler jumped in as well and the photo turned out wonderful.
However no one believes Heith caught this fish because he’s not in the picture which is “ridiculous because Pastures do not friggen Lie !” as Heith says every time he explains the photograph..


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