"Being a professional fly fishing guide and fly tyer, combined with a green conscious, guarantees your place in those blessed rivers of the ever after.." -Bruce Lee

Cowlitz Steelhead..or what happened to river etiquette

Fisheads Flies™n Lore super secret undercover in disguise sly spy guy was recently involved in a secret, that’s why you didn’t know about it, “investigation”..(Gathering of information be it real or false that may or may not be of interest to other fisheads like myself)

Seen here in this picture below, here below this type, under this sentence, next to me,  is the Fishead that has devilishly concealed himself in this clever disguise impersonating a guy who can actually catch fish,  fooling even the most observant discriminating bait slinger….. he peeped through the bushes in an effort to see what was going on…trying to figure out where the fish are and what fly to use…..etc  etc

You would never suspect that the face you see here, next to Terry, is a mask made from the same substance fake Boobs are made from….

There seemed to be an underlying tense feeling of territorial rights emanating from the fishermen along the banks of this river…That negative energy weighed heavy on our light hearted fun happy attitude as we hopped and skipped, frolicking down the bank to fling some flies at the far shore…(or maybe the Washington residents could somehow sense we had recently been in California..)……weird…

I would like to credit our happy feelings to the ever present source of “TUG” lurking there in the discolored river. It is that after all that brings us out of our warm beds where we were comfortable next to our lovely wives and stuffed animal shaped body pillows….The reason we wander aimlessly around trout streams all summer, and why we mumble to ourselves during “Oprah” and “Days of our lives”….The very blood that runs through my veins makes me part steelhead I believe !,   however it could have been the coffee creamer my brother brought along to ease his suffering….

Crown Royal coffee creamer and cough suppressant….

Noticeable in this photograph is the oil that has leaked from the cars of about One Billion Bait fishermen that frequent this river Every morning in search of fish (or fly fishermen) to Kill…the parking lot was framed in a littering of worm containers, cigarette butts, empty beer bottles (I know because I checked) and what seems to be the same kinda stuff that comes along with guys that don’t give a rats ass about the environment or their fellow anglers…I’m not just speaking of the ever present environment, as in “Mother Nature”…Don’t even accuse me of being a tree hugger.. (Those charges were dismissed in court, and for the record, there is no law against climbing trees naked)

I’m talking about the space between me and you. The environment you can easily disrupt with your cigarette smoke, or I can disrupt with my loud “Boot in yer ass” country music…The space that could easily be described as those places we frequent, we share,..the river bank, the gas station, the road to and fro…THAT environment..the one that is littered with trash, the one where the road signs are full of bullet holes and you wont dim your damn head lights…

How bout some simple consideration…pick up what you drop and if you didn’t drop it, pick it up any way…your kids will respect you more and so will I…And were not going to mention the fact that you don’t know how to keep steppin’..nope not gonna mention it, I’m not saying a word about your inability to start at the top of a run and step in line and rotate through so everyone can fish it way, not here,,,I refuse. I won’t say anything about you jumping in at the bottom of my swing and “LOW  HOLING” all of us as we struggle to keep from splitting your skull with a wooden horse head..I wont belittle myself enough to mention that you use enough lead to sink a boat as you cast across my line all the while saying you wish you knew how to fly fish. Asking me if I enjoy fly casting as you wade in 5 feet away on my downstream side is like asking me if I want to poison your cat…”yes, I do”…

How many guys do you think you can fit into a run anyway….? Apparently a LOT !

If I had to fish like this I would chew my own leg off just to get away….

Our crazy wild and smart as a wood pecker undercover agent man “Brett”, had discovered something that hadn’t been discovered yet, hence the reason I just said he had to “discover” it…

It seems, and this is just crazy, that there is a lack of respect amongst bait fisherman toward the more superior gifted and wise fly fisherman..and you wont believe this..Those bait wielding thugs said we fly fishermen are arrogant..!!! can you believe that..? OMG (as my texting friends say) what will come next..? accusations of our trying to stop all catch-n-keep of any wild species  ? comments about our environmental consciousness  ? Poking fun at our electric cars  ? why don’t they just go ahead and say it, go ahead..say I’m COLOR COORDINATED !!

Seriously now, the returns on this river are astounding ! ! and I have to say there hasn’t been another day in my life where i enjoyed fishing with Brett more than this day…..the only day we have ever fished together…for an hour or so…

My brother Heith seemed to become happier as the day went on. I noticed he also perhaps has a bladder problem as he continued to get out of the river and hide in the bushes, stammering and stumbling back to the river he also became noticeably more shiny and happy..SMILEING a lot !!

Shiny and Happy…Everything is better with coffee creamer, friends and family !

I did learn a few things about this great area that made me rethink my plans to move to Alaska,  for about one minute,  then I remembered my goal is to die after picking a fight with a grizzly bear and being mauled and chewed into fish food size chunks… idea I am just not willing to let go of.

These very small but round tube flies were productive however I thought Spey Flies would be larger…

I did enjoy learning more about the Scandi lines and how well they work for the coastal rivers, I do appreciate the sharing of shared information that the local fly casters openly shared when sharing it with me…the best part was the open honesty about fly patterns,  I couldn’t believe it when Brett told me that his investigation into the best ever Steelhead Spey fly for the Cowlitz had revealed this small but round Spey fly…really weird to me but I fished it hard all day and although I think I might have had a couple on I’m not sure because I never really felt them….

Over all, I would like to stand…and say that this was a great time and i feel like the skill set here was that of fine silver..with the salad fork and everything. I would like to thank Brett for the time he spent with us..I tried to thank him while he was with us but he must have had to leave in a hurry because after he directed us to the river he jumped in his truck and throwing gravel everywhere he sped away……weird.

Keep swinging…….FISH ON ! ! ! !


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